Many things has forced me to continue on with u.
Although I wanted to leave, I can't..
If i do, I would suffer greater losses..

The motivation and willingness to do anything, has slowly changed to become an obligation..

Let's just hope time will prove this statement:
Things will soon go your way. --- Stay the course, keep looking for the good and things will go your way in the long run - even if they don't appear to be working out in the short run.

*stay on Jocelyn.. stay on.. *

One year ago.. It is you who asked me not to expect much first from the start, as when the year ends, I will get the reward to cover all of it.

But one year later. As i teared open the letter. There it was, staring back at me.
Nothing.. Nothing is staring back at me except disappointment. I took your word for it.. And now ? All I have is the feeling of stupidness.. Why did I agree for a lower start ? You asked me to see into long term.. now.. I receive nth ? Not even a month of appreciation ?

I was still telling Esther that you are generous.. she also believed that you would keep your word since your reason for the lower start is because the reward at the end is good.

Now I am thinking.. Am I Stupid to believe you ? Have you forgotten your words to me?
What am I now ? some ball that you kick around? Kicking me to places where you need me to be? I don't even noe where do i belong now..
You want things done? I learn.. I do it at my best.. u want me to help out some other ppl so that they can go on a holiday ? I also learn.. i also do it..
Cos in my heart, I have a very pure trust in you. Trust that when you said those words, you will keep it. I'm not asking for alot.. Just a acknowledge of my effort.. but maybe all that trust is just me being gullible, stupid and naive.

Now, it has dawn upon me if i should leave you.. Leave you for another.. But the only thing stopping me is, i dunno if I will receive as much as when i'm with u.. I can onli keep my eyes open and look for a better one.. This is just how i feel..

Like i've just been deceived by someone. Although maybe you have already forgotten the conversation we had in ur room, when i was still indecisive.. when i was still considering when i saw the offer..

Well.. Now i'm still staring at that letter.. When I was abt to open it, my heart skipped a beat.. uncertain what to expect.. But when I opened it.. it all came clear.. This was it.. Maybe there will be changes in the next 2 days.. I dunno..
hopefully.. Sigh.. Hopefully..

There too many pictures of too many things !! AHHHH!!! I will update slowly ok? As I am busy, also I just felt like making you guys wait for me to post the pictures.. hahaha.. Kidding.. hahaa... ok not really funny..

SO.. here are a few pictures of The TA05 Christmas Gathering at Paragon's Spageddies =) Food was great and EXPENSIVE.. but its the people tat made the whole thing worth while..
I just got this pictures from Tabi today.. Such a long wait, I noe.. =D


Look how happy i was? hahahhaa..


After eating, it was my turn for the present exchange! Its HUIMIN.. I just realised that she's taller than me.. o.O


My first gift was a pouch!


My second gift gave me quite a shock when I teared open the wrapper.. hahaha.. anyone with a dirty mind would read it with another meaning.. (btw, i forgot the phrase.. i'll check it out and update again)


Anyway.. I was kinda relieved to see that its not what we expected.. Hahaha..


Long story short.. We took our annual family photo..

After the dinner, some of us didn't want to go home just yet.. couldn't catch the movie too, cos its TOO LATE! In the end, we ended up at McDonalds(FORUM).. hahaa.. chatted there and I ate my second meal.. =X Felt hungry with all the walking wat..
Oh and this is me, 'bullying' Johnny..





At lido.. on the way to see if there's any shows to waste time/watch.. Also, try to get group shot of everyone in..

AHhh.. Johnny!!! Aining !!! WHY!!!!!


And after much tries i tink we managed to get everyone in the picture..WITHOUT ANGELIA... AHHhh!!!

Aiyah.. too many photos to upload.. and its 6:45pm now.. I tink i'll just upload them onto facebook.. Look out for them la ah.. hahahaa.. I leaving office!!!! Buaii......

*poof*

DO YOU MISS ME??????????
Hahaha.... Hello Everyone.. As 'promised' in my chatbox by myself to whoever is out there, here is me... UPDATING!! If you have scrolled through my entire blog, you can clearly see that I have said this sentence in more ways than i could even imgaine.. Its always me not blogging for a period of time, and OOF! suddenly I'm back.. den gone for a while, and Oh! Look at That! I'm back again.. And I'm gone again.. and HEY! I'm back again.. and.. ok.. u get it right?

Anyway, given the crappy introdution above, I think I should really post an UNCRAPPY post.. yes.. You've heard it right.. UNCRAPPY.. I will try ok? Ok, maybe a little crap here and there, but I will try to reduce the amount of crap as much as I can. Ok.. I realised that I really can't control myself on the crapping.. SO just bear with me..

Alright.. Erm.. This afternoon,(or is it early evening?) hmmm.. ok.. it's around the LATE afternoon, after reading CHAN WAIYU'S blog, I decided for the well being of everyone's mental, emotional and physical health, I shall politely change my BLOG SONGS !! wahaha.. Since it has caused major disturbance to her and I guess many others would GREATLY thank her for saving them from listening to Avril Lavigne's Scream.. heh heh heh..

Well, its the new year.. 2009, a new year.. 2008 has been.. eventful.. at the end of the year, I am greatly blessed to know that I still have great friends who cares about me, never fails to make me laugh.. and I still enjoy every minute with them.. Although certain events has forced me to drag myself away from those great ppl in the past, I am slowly picking up the pieces, its just not worth to lose such friends because of certain unhappy, shitty stuff..

Also, every single year, I would receive Christmas Cards, New year cards, from my PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIENDS !! I can't believe that we still treasure our friendship since primary school.. Why can't every friendship be so pure and true like this? Why is there always mistrust, deceit, betrayal, backstabbing, motive? My definetion of a friend is always someone who you can look at, and talk anything under the sun, AND NOT fearing things like " oh shit.. I've just said that to her, oh shit oh shit.. How how how?" and end up at night can't sleep.. I'm glad that majority of my friends ain't like tat..

Well, above was some random post of things that i couldn't understand in life, just like Zeekee couldn't understand the fact why would some guys would like another guy who dresses and talks like a girl, instead of just liking a girl?).. hmmm.. oh well.. its like asking, "Which is more painful, giving birth ? or getting kicked in the nuts?" Its a simple question, but nobody would EVER noe the answer to that..

Anyway, Have I mentioned that I've gone to Genting for the christmas??? Woo!! It was great fun, although it was kinda sad that my dear can't make it.. But still, the trip with them was priceless! We just crack each other up ALL DAY EVEN JUST BEFORE BED!! Its like, we will be spending at least half an hour laughing before we slowly slip into dreamland.. and ME ended up getting freaked out by zeekee's night noises that scared me awake a couple of times.. -_-"
The most unforgettable night, to me, was the cake.. I was speechless.. I caught zeekee looking at cakes a few times but didn't think of anything.. I even thought to myself.. "ok.. maybe she's hungry..".. who noes???!!!
But that was really sweet of you girls.. Really thank you for that.. Now instead of crying everytime i tink of it, I would smile, because I had such great people around me.. and times like these, I would feel that I haven't been a good enough friend.. The thing is, I suck at being a friend.. I don't noe wat to do!! I can crap! Crapping is my thing.. my Skill, its the thing I noe best.. But when it comes to doing things like that.. I would just stand there and said "shitt.. what to do?" And many times, I am actually stressed at these things! Yes.. STRESSED! Cold sweat will trickle down my forehead and armpits and I would be like "SHiitt... " or "FuuucccK".. hai.. well.. Although sometimes I do not noe how to show it in actions, I can only say a million time is words, that I love my friends ( you noe who you are).. As you all noe, that NO DOUBT if you need me to listen to ANY problems in the middle of the night, I WILL and I WILL wake up and listen to u.. probably giving you crappy advises, but still.. I WILL listen.. But no one calls me up at night anymore, complaining about the world.. oh wait.. there is.. Jarel.. hmmm... ok.. him not included.. Well.. MY POINT IS.. I still love you people..

oh wow.. I realised that was a very emotional post from me.. tsk tsk tsk.. well.. I hope in this new year, everyone will have more happiness, less merciless.. more forgiving, less frightening.. more happier, less scarier.. more healthier, less scheming.. More screams of laughter, less screams of fear.. hmmm.. for angeline.. maybe more screams of fear cos we WILL STILL ATTEMPT TO SCARE YOU AGAIN!!!! Watch out.. !! wahahhaahaa!! <- scary but true.. haahaa.. i'm sorry but we have trained you well.. u have a strong heart!

Ahhh.. ok.. i am very urgent... I need to go pee... =x Maybe because of the countless cups of green tea I drank just now.. woooo... ok... gtg !! A little abrupt for the ending, but hey.. I can't hold on any longer.. I'm going to the toilet!! See you crazy people the next time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!