Welcoming another decade.

As the year is coming to an end, it also marks a new beginning.
2010 is approaching faster than you could ever imagine!! Tick Tock Tick Tock!!

In about 9 days, all of us would bid 2009 goodbye(a horrible year for rabbits), and welcome the arrival of another decade! ( Hopefully, a better year..)

AND.... I decided to write a self-reflection!! hahaha!!
As much as I hate writing down self-reflections, (reminds me of book summary in Secondary School) I feel I had to do it this year as many things has passed/happened during this 10years.

Since this is the first self-reflection I'm writing, please say "Bravo! Well done! Huray Hurah! Bala Bala!"

Anywayyy... Moving along...

How should I start? Hmm... ok. There are times in our lives, where we are just... not going anywhere.. like, we're just living our own lives like a passenger on a train ride.
Some, always stayed on the lonely train, mindlessly dashing forward, but not knowing what they want to achieve. They may be successful in their career, in exchange of a meaningless life.

And some, get off at pit stops, made some friends, and stayed there without hopping back on the train. And they may even go through their whole lives just like that, not having goals, not moving forward.

While others, get off at pit stops, made some friends and brought those friends abroad on the ride. Moving forward with their friends, laughing and enjoying the ride.
(I'm using a train as a metaphor.. Bare with me.)

There are even times during the ride, you decided to look out of the window, and all you see is grass and sand. And you ask yourself, "WHERE THE HELL AM I?!" This question would hit most people in some point of their lives. And when this question hit them, some panicked, like I did when I turned 21.

I remembered waking up in the morning and just sat at the edge of my bed on my 21st birthday. Suddenly dizzy with hundreds, no.. THOUSANDS of thoughts running to my head. I was practically hyperventilating. Scared? Yes. Very.

I know its a little too exaggerating la.. But seriously, the questions just ran to me. Screaming to me, "You are already 21 !! What have you achieved in life? What do you plan to do? Is your current life satisfactory ? Where do you want to be in life?"

And I was scared.. really. Because I seriously did not know what DO I want in life. And I did not know where I want to be or what I want in the future. Its like.. You know you have to get life sorted out FAST in order to start heading in the right direction, but your desires and goals are just nowhere to be found or defined. You are just living for the sake of living!

However, I'm glad I got past that traumatizing morning and calmed myself down. Figured that a panicked mind wouldn't help. I knew time will show what I wanted the most. What career I wanted to pursue. What kind of life I wanted to live.
Basically, to sum up. I wanted to be happy.

And to do that, I can't be constantly be worrying about unimportant things.
There's no point of wallowing in self-pity, telling myself that I can't do this.. I can't do that.. Because that would only make me more frustrated with myself.
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A few life-changing events happened in the past. Some pleasant and a few unpleasant ones. All taught me valuable lessons. Some events are my personal secrets. Things which I am not proud of. (Don't ask) I'm glad that I'm given a second chance to pull my life back in place.
Always note that there's no easy way out of anything. You can take the short cuts, yes. But you would be throwing yourself on the verge of losing everything, just for that one path that might look easier at that point of time.

I took the short cuts once, but met an uncle along the way who told me that, "There's always a thin line between right and wrong. Sometimes we drift away from what we think is right just to get what we want. Some refuse to take advise. Some rebel against supporting words of others. But its your life, you choose your own life to live. You want to be happy? Or do you want to live life like this. When you walk out of this door, you have to choose."

*OK.. Point to clear up. I wasn't trying to commit suicide. Just to clear the air. Although it sounded like it. I was just down in a point of life and was lost in myself. *

Yes, people.. I had that moment in life too. -_-

It is a lesson that cleared up some of the questions I have in life.
Well.. to sum up again.




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As for relationships.

Lessons learnt too. 4years ago. Something happened.
No one intended it to turn out the way it ended. Things were left unsaid, things were left undone.
Results - A good friend, turned to someone who fumes at the sound of your name.

No use repeating the stories as it has already been 4 years. We should both move on from what is dragging us back. You, holding on to the mess I have caused you in your life. And I, constantly reaching out to you, wanting back a friendship that is still dear to me.

There comes a point where by, apologising has lost its meaning. And we were just stuck in a loophole.
Right now, it just doesn't matter who is right or wrong. Gotta put the past behind. Carrying all that hate in your heart doesn't do good to you too. When you hate me, will the past change?No. When you hate me, will the present be much more happier? No.
The only way to lift this stone off your heart is to let it go. I would understand your hate and anger you held when it first started. But. Its been 4 years. Carrying this hate, this misery, constantly reminding yourself that I caused all the mess in your life. Its enough. Pick yourself up. One setback isn't the end of your life. Only you can determine your own happiness. You want to be happy? be sad? its actually your choice.

Eg : A guy who has lost a leg could cry all his life thinking how pathetic he has become, cry about all the things he can't do, all the things he could have done. But.. constantly self inflicting all these negative thoughts, he has missed the whole fact that he is still alive!! And when you are alive, there's infinite things you can do. It just depends how you decide to see your life. Do you want to constantly see it from a pessimistic point of view? Or do you want to get rid of unimportant issues that is now dragging you back on your life, and strongly move on and thank God for everything that has happened that made you understood some things which you didn't understand before.

Still, I am appreciative of all the sacrifices that you have done for me. And I'm regretful that I can't return any of it to you.


Lesson learnt - Never live things overnight. Solve problems/fights as soon as possible. Talk it out. Because you'll never know, something that may seem insignificant to you at a point of time, may blow up to something so big that may explode at your face before you knew you were wrong.
You may think that by walking away or avoiding the problems, you are giving both the time to put the problem behind. Yes the problem is put aside.. but not solved. And during this period, misunderstandings may occur, accusations may start, feelings may be hurt. All these JUST because you think it is not important to talk things out. And when the problems are piled up. One day, one big fight may not hold all those problems and things will turn out ugly.

Won't say more. Just.. thank you for all you've done.

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Love life now.

Its been 2 years plus since that Christmas company dinner in Buffalo that led us to where we are now. Even though I somewhat disliked him in the past. He proved me wrong with his constant sincerity. We gave ourselves a chance even thou we did not know what was coming at us. And I'm glad we did. And it worked out pretty well. He is the best la ah.. hahaha..

I still remembered we both started out damn poor. I was a student and was drawing a pathetic salary of $400-800/month. And he was not much better that time. Buffalo pay sucks.
And despite that, activities mostly evolve around food. We had supper almost everyday after work and cabbing back. Its like.. most of our pay, we spent it in a month. And near the end of the month, you can see our bank accounts hit a low amount of $2.67 or those amount which you can't draw out la..

Since there was practically NO savings, things hit rock bottom when we both were left jobless.(between ard 'Aug07-'Dec07) And we were in desperate need to find jobs. But all places were offering $5-6/hr with unstable hours and ulu places!

We had to find ways to have enough to eat. So strategies where thought out and we ended up selling PSP when the market was still hot. Managed to earn $10-30 per deal and it was enough to get by while we continue to go for interviews and madly sending resumes. This went on for quite awhile and both of us were frustrated, tired and giving up hope.

We ended up working in a few places before I was offered at my current company and he was accepted in his. The next few months was not so bad as more stable income are coming in. And bu zhi bu jue.. We have stood by each other for all these time. We did not give up on one another. Constantly pushing each other forward. ahh. all the drama.. Like we very poor like tat. But I guess this made us stronger ba. I love him still.

That's why, I feel, risk should sometimes be taken. Even though you may think things may not work out with that person, but if you took the chance, something good may come out of it.
(Applies ONLY to SINGLES.. Those with wives and girlfriends if you are hitting on another girl, I wish that your gfs/ wives leaves you for another man and may your nuts rot.) ok. A little vicious. But damn those man who cheats on their gfs/WIVES.

To those who cheated: I don't hate you as a friend. I can still talk to you. I'm just happy that I'm not WITH you. You might be a nice friend, but you are a horrible boyfriend. (same applies to girls)


oh oh. Another lesson : Working adults, please ALWAYS SAVE aside some $$... at least 3mths of your current pay.. you never know when you'll need the money to get by rainy days.
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Friends

Like the saying, 'A friend in need is a friend indeed'. As quote from a friend, she said. "Actually when you are in trouble, you can really see who is the one who will stand by you.". That is actually true.
I have made many friends since primary school till now. Some stood by me, some left after sometime. What I want you all to know is, life always have some unexpected things coming our way, throwing off track, forcing us to change the course of the train. As a friend, we are there to pull you back onto the right track.. and there's nothing to be paiseh about. All you need to do is ask. For me, my thinking is, if you trust me enough to tell me your problems, I don't see a reason why I shouldn't help. Of cos, I have to trust you enough too to help you la... hahaa..

Some friends are the one who leaves pleasant childhood memories and not 童年陰影s.. And some lead you through the tough secondary school life where your heart has been broken like a 100,000,000 times... They will sit by you and listen to you. And not forgetting bandmates, who also shares laughter and tears together. Year 2003 of my sec sch life I will never forget. How we cried together and strive towards the common goal we all wanted.

When we have been forced to leave sec school, friends were also forced to make different decisions.. Decisions that made a seperation inevitable. But how we kept in touch is the effort to pull our friendship together. We will be busy with commitments, of cos, but it is taking out time from our busy schedule to do a short meet up.. eat some comforting dinner.. pour out some woes.. laugh over some stupid things. Although a frequent meet up is not always possible, only a handful remained understanding and not adding more pressure than the everyday life has for each of us. That is friendship, people. Simple, but enough. There is no need for expensive gifts or big parties or constant surprises. What's so bad about sitting around at a table, eating and enjoying each other's company? Can you determine a friendship by the worth of gifts he/she sents you? No. I can't.

When we have matured a little more, we have poly friends to help you thru all the tough study times. Sharing notes and studying together, helping me thru the 3 years in Ngee Ann.. I OWE YOU ALL MY LIFE.
den there are some friends who we meet along the way in jobs, outings, friend's friends... People who filled up my life with more smiles and laughters..

Those close enough to me, should know me by now. I can be shy when I am left alone with strangers and open up slowly only when there are crazy ppl around.(yes.. I will experience shyness..)
And if I am introduced to people thru friends, I tend to be more of myself. I dunno, I guess being around friends has that magical boost of confidence when talking to strangers.


In 2009, I am glad I have known more interesting ppl who will go crazy with me.. And I am also glad that, those who went crazy with me last time, are STILL crazy. =D
I wish to say, thank you and I love you all too.

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oK.. its been a long long post. Thank you for those who bothered to read till the very last word.
I need to rest my eyes now. I know some paragraphs are talking abt random things. Because now my brain is in random mode. I'M TIRED! I've been typing since dunno what time. (Don't say I too free at work!) Anyway, I need to go off soon. I'm meeting KAREN SIEW WAN XIN..

She, who discovered the other meaning to Norah Jones' song, "Don't Know Why"

A conversation just now.
Karen : (started singing) Don't know why~ I didn't come~.. ooohh~ Don't know why.. I didn't come..
Me : Hahaha!! Eh.. actually it's quite sad if the song is really singing about her sex life ah..
Me: She waited until she saw the sun leh !!
Karen : lol.. Oh.. That depends, Jocelyn. Depends on what time they started it.
Me: -.- oh.. ya hor..

Well.. That is Karen Siew for you folks ! I have to go pee... den I go offline le.. see you all!!


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SIGNING OFF
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Have you ever looked back on songs you had mindlessly sung to when u were a little goat kid?

Well.. Some of us have..

And it has taken a toll on us when we found out what those lyrics actually mean !!

*Warning, Viewer's discretion. Possible Dirty Context depends on your level of dirty humor*
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Lets Start off with the one you sang at Nursery School shall we ?

Zoo Song (Nursery)

We are going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo
How 'bout You, You, You?
You can COME too too too,
We are going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo~

Asking people to cum in the zoo ???

2 Become 1 (Spice Girls)

Candlelight and soul forever
Dream of you and me together
Say you believe it say you believe it
Free your mind of doubt and danger
be for real don't be a stranger
We can achieve it we can achieve it
Come a little bit closer baby get it on get it on
'cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1

I need some love like I've never needed love before
Wanna make love to ya baby <--- (You were singing this line while you were in Pri 5/6, my friends..)
I had a little love now I'm back for more
Wanna make love to ya baby
Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be
Silly games that you were playing
Empty words we both were saying
Let's work it out boy, let's work it out boy
Any deal that we endeavor
boys and girls feel good together
Take it or leave it, take it or leave it
Are you as good as I remember baby? Get it on, Get it on
'cause tonight, is the night,when 2 become 1

I need some love like I've never needed love before
Wanna make love to ya baby
I had a little love, now I'm back for more
Wanna make love to ya baby
Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be
Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on<-- (!!! Put what thing on!! hahahah!! )(Since she is singing to ask him be wiser, I guess she is asking him to put a condom on.. =X Again, let me remind you... Pri sch children.. singing THIS... Including us.. Great sex education thou.. But still... It's kinda sick hearing kids sing this..) 'cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1







And there's this Jazzy Nice song..



Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever

Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

Now it's YOUR turn to tell me what’s wrong with this song… HAHAHAHHAHAA.. !!!
(*Hint :Read the words in bold… which seem to have more ‘meaning’ in them as it appears to be.. hahahaha..)








There's still MUCH more songs that have more meanings and doesn't appear to be as pure as you tink it is when you were young... There's always dirty humor everywhere... Lurking in every corner..





Everyone remember BJ ? Barney's Friend ? The yellow dinosaur..


Well.. Have you EVER wonder what is going thru the scripwriter's head or WHAT the scripwriter was doing when he decided to call this character a BJ ???? hahahah..





For those who dunno who the hell is BJ, I've made life a little easier for you..

Hahaha.. Well.. leaves you think about the importance of listening carefully to lyrics right ? Cos you'll never know what you OR your kids are singing.. hahaha!!

That's all for now.. Adios my Amigos !